Blood and Ashes
by LeopardFang
Summary: "I blink several times and ashes and blood fall from my grimy eyelashes, Revealing the sky. I can vaguely remember thinking of how beautiful and blue this sky was. Needless to say it wasn't like that now. The sky was grey from smoke and flames licked up to the sky in burning amber colors." Rodney McKay's experiment takes a dark turn and now only Zelinka and Sheppard can save him.
1. Chapter 1

_**This story idea came out of nowhere. I was sitting in math class, watching the teacher go on and on about stuff I will probably never understand. Then bam, visions of Rodney in terrible pain popped into my head. Then the plot bunnies attacked and as soon as I was able to I typed this up, Then spent weeks modifying it to my liking, So, to all my 'When the past haunts' readers that is why I haven't posted in forever. **_

_**Anyways, a few warnings for this story ~ **_

_**Contains graphic descriptions of injuries. So you may not want to read if you don't like reading about blood, cause there is a lot of blood in this Fanfic.**_

_**Contains graphic descriptions of dead people. So don't read if you can't stand reading a story with death or dead people in it then don't read.**_

_**Okay, now that we have that out of the way. I would like for you to go ahead and start reading, hopefully I'll see you at the bottom. ~Leopardfang**_

**Rodney McKay Pov.**

People say that when your in a coma the first sense you regain is hearing. Of course I wasn't in a coma, actually I might be. I'm not sure, since I haven't really gotten to the point of opening my eyes yet. I'd rather not push myself, my instincts are telling me to stay put. Sheppard taught me to trust my instincts, though my instincts were telling me to go back to sleep as well, so maybe now wasn't the best time to trust them.

Just like clockwork my hearing returned, leaving me cringing and wishing that I hadn't regained it. For heart wrenching screams of panic and heartbroken sobs of horror pierced the smoke filled air. The worst sound is the sound of rattling breaths, however. It sounds like someone was dying, poor person, this was never supposed to happen. The breathes kept getting faster and panicky, making me realize that the sound was coming from me. I shudder uncontrollably and wait for my next sense to appear.

The next sense that returns is taste. A bittersweet metallic substance fills my mouth, and I try to spit it out, but find I don't have the strength. It's pretty pathetic that I don't even have the strength to spit out blood.

Smell returns next, the unpleasant smell of burning flesh fills my nose. Making me unable to smell much else. So that sense was pretty useless in this situation.

The one after that is Feeling. This sense comes into focus really fast, leaving me breathless. I can feel every little detail. Like how a thin layer of ashes lay on my eyelashes and how warm liquid flows down my left shoulder to my wrist. I find out the reason my instincts were telling me not to move then. It feels like an elephant was sitting on my chest. That must have been why my breathing was so screwed up to. I realize then that I can't feel my left leg and that the left side of my chest is turning wet, sticky, and warm. I find it odd that I can feel everything but pain, but am glad that I don't because I would probably be in a lot of pain if I was.

I find the strength to let my eyes flutter open and see grey and red. I blink several times and ashes and blood fall from my grimy eyelashes, reveling the sky. I can vaguely remember thinking of how beautiful and blue this sky was. Needless to say it wasn't like that now. The sky was grey from smoke and flames licked up to the sky in burning amber colors. I glance at myself and see that most of my chest is underneath something big and grey, I can't tell what it is at the moment, but it looks painful to have on your chest. All that I can see of the left side of me is lying in a huge puddle of scarlet blood. So much blood that I feel queasy. My left arm is at an unnatural angle and the wrist and hand is hidden under a piece of heavy metal. I can't see my legs because of the objet on my chest but the left one feels warm, wet, and sticky.

I am really glad that I don't feel any pain, because if I did I would probably be dead right now. My rattling breaths from a chest buried in rubble tell me this. My gaze wanders to the side, where a horrible image fills my vision.

One of the scientists, I can't remember her name, was lying beside me. One of her eyes was a way to dim green, and the other was completely filled up with blood. The scarlet substance was halfway clotted on her blonde eyelashes and pale skin, from a head wound that leaves her caramel and blonde hair matted with blood. She doesn't move, no breath leaves her blood coated lips. I could remember her as one of the younger people the Daedalus recently brought in. She had been a troublemaker, Always sticking her nose where she shouldn't and talking during lessons. But she was one of the smarter people, dare I say almost as smart as Miko. But never would her once bright green eyes dart over a computer screen again, never would her bright eyes fill with pride and happiness when she was praised for good work. No, now she was nothing but a shell, just another young heart that would never beat again, just another casualty that could have been prevented.

Just another life to add to my guilty conscience.

I shake my head to clear away the thoughts before they rush into my mind like a rainstorm in a flood-zone. My eyes drift away from the dead body and focus on the large objet _sitting_ on my chest, I'm not going to say that it's slicing me or pinning me down, even if it is.

"RODNEY?" a voice called, panic stricken, coming from somewhere to the left of me. Radek Zelinka appeared over me, His bright blue eyes widening as he said, "Don't worry Rodney they are coming for us."

He shockingly pale skin was flecked with scarlet droplets and glass shimmered from where it was embedded in his skin. His glasses were slanted and blood coated the left lens. Wet blood coated his left side and made his shirt stick to his side, while his right hand was trembling against a wound on his left shoulder.

I opened my mouth to speak, but the action only caused a metallic taste to bubble in my mouth, the thick and warm scarlet liquid Sliding down the corner of my mouth.

"Oh, Rodney, why did you do that?" Zelinka asked under his breath, I wasn't meant to hear it, but that didn't stop me from trying to squeeze a reply out of my mouth. Only, to my frustration, I couldn't. I couldn't tell him that I couldn't add another face to my guilty conscience. I couldn't say that I was sorry for calling him stupid all the time, when really he was the only person that has intelligence to rival mine. In all honesty I thought of us as a sort of Sherlock and Watson, in a similar way that Sheppard thinks of our team as the Fantastic Four.

I also couldn't tell Radek that it wasn't his fault. Because, after all, none of this was his fault, Not the fact that the explosion had happened, not the fact that had hadn't seen the flaring readings and surely not the fact that my last breaths were leaving my body. The last of which was because I had shoved him out of the way of a falling beam, leaving the metal object on my chest instead of his, This reminded me of something from a movie how the good character does something bad and then dies heroically to redeem their conscience. It was like that, this was not at all Radek's fault.

It was all my fault.

I should have noticed something was wrong before the sky started falling. I should have noticed, all of this could have been prevented. But instead I had screamed at everyone to run when they were already fleeing away from the raging flames and falling debris. I had been so sure that it would work, and yet it had failed miserably.

It felt like project Arcturus all over again.

Only about 100x worse, because it was likely that many people had died. I looked at my hands, or rather my right hand since the other was hidden under a huge rock, and saw that it was covered in blood, Almost like it was to signify the blood that had been shed when it shouldn't have. I watched the small rivets of blood roll across the inside of my arm, washing away the ash that had settled there.

Radek's pale hands were bloody from a deep cut on his palm, and grime had somehow gotten under his fingernails. Leaving his usually clean hands seeming very odd, but then he wasn't wheezing out blood so I shouldn't judge. But then judging is a part of human nature, There is never people who don't judge just people who don't say their opinions out loud because they are afraid of what will happen if they are honest.

Pain suddenly stuck me like a dagger, or more like a thousand thick and long super sharp swords. The pain was so agonizing and sudden that a soft whimper escaped my lips and my short fingernails tried to dig into the concrete. Pain enveloped my every sense and blissful darkness lurked at the edges of my vision. My eyes drifted closed of their own accord, and I felt my body fall completely limp.

"NO RODNEY, STAY WITH ME."

_**John Sheppard Pov.**_

I was in the mess with Teyla and Ronan when my com flickered on, a worried and panicked voice coming over the speakers. "Medical team to the gateroom immediately"

It took me a half a second to realize that the voice was Miko Kusanagi, the fact that her usual patient and calm voice was so strained and panicked threw me off. The next thing I realized was that she was a scientist, and the scientists had all gone off world with some project that McKay and Zelinka had come up with. And the highest ranked scientist available always radioed in, so it should have been McKay that called for the med team. And if it wasn't McKay calling in then that would mean something had happened to him…

I was on my feet and had bolted towards the gateroom before Teyla and Ronan registered Miko's words. When I got there I saw that scientists were rushing through the gate in a rushed panicked manner. A lot of them were bloody and in shock, some held in stretchers and being brought to the infirmary by doctors. Jennifer Keller was rushing around and spitting out orders so fast that I couldn't understand what she was saying, but the other doctors apparently did, for they were all busy bandaging up someone, fetching supplies, or rushing around looking for the badly wounded in all the fray. I rushed through it, careful not to get in anyone's way, and looking for Rodney.

Someone grabbed my arm, and I found myself looking at Lieutenant Laura Cadman. Her dark blonde hair was blood streaked and covered in a fine layer of ashes, making me realize that she must have been in the security detail that was guarding the project, "ARE YOU LOOKING FOR MCKAY?" she screeched at me, and I knew that it was not only to be heard above the other screams but also because a small trail of blood that trailed from the inside of her small ears.

I nodded swiftly and watched as she blinked rapidly, to make the blood fall from her eyelashes to clear her vision. When she finally spoke it was in a very quiet voice, I could barely make out the words, "He was in the room that the explosion was in with Alex, Devan, Cara, and Radek. None of them made It through yet. But sir, the burning building collapsed on them as it exploded..."

That lowered the odds, as If the fact that a explosion had happened wasn't bad enough. No, they had to have a burning building fall on them as well. I think that those thoughts were a defensive mechanism against the havoc and despair that battles in my heart, for she just told me that Rodney was… he was…

"Are you telling me that he's dead" I try to make the words come out stronger but they come out in a stuttering broken mess. Laura's sharp blue eyes soften slightly as she replies, "No, I'm saying that it's unlikely that he survived, so he could be alive. But even if he is, I'm sorry sir, but with the smoke and ash swarming the air… going in there without the correct equipment is suicide."

I ignore the last sentence she spoke and headed towards the gate, but her hand closed around my arm. I glanced back at her and saw that she was slowly shaking her head, "You can't save him If your dead, and If you go in there now then you will die."

I glance at the gate longingly. I can feel the tug of a teammate in need.

I then turn away, hating the tears that gathered in my sharp hazel eyes. I can see that Miko is being surrounded by others, who are demanding answers from her. But her chocolate brown eyes shine with a flurry of emotions. Fear, worry, concern, panic, shock, confusion, uncertainty, loss, so many that her small body is trembling like a leaf. Her eyes have begun to gather with unshed tears, but I am already beside her and pushing away the others, telling them quite loudly, "MY GOD, JUST GO AWAY. YOUR QUESTIONS WILL BE ANSWERED WHENEVER ALL THE INJURED HAVE BEEN TREATED."

When I turn around, once the others have gone I see that Miko's eyes are also filled with relief and something else, feelings that are much darker. Feelings that make my skin crawl, for the three feelings that shone in her expressive eyes were ones I usually saw in battle hardened soldiers.

Regret. Guilt. Pain.

_**That wasn't as good as I hoped it would be but I hoped you all liked it. If I get enough positive reviews and favorites and follows then I will continue. So review or favorite or follow if you want more. Hopefully I'll see you in another update, ~ Leopardfang **_


	2. Chapter 2

_**I was pleasantly surprised to find that people wanted me to continue this story, So I did continue it. I am sorry that it took so long to update, but this chapter was extremely hard to write for some reason. You will be confused for a moment at the beginning of this chapter, but hopefully as you read it will make more sense. I'll hopefully see you at the bottom. ~Leopardfang **_

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><p><strong>Rodney McKay Pov.<strong>

Blood.

It was everywhere, Splattered against the cold concrete walls, Lapping at my light grey tennis shoes. I could even taste it the air, a bittersweet metallic taste. The warm scarlet liquid coated my hands, thick blood practically dripped from my fingertips. I watched in morbid fascination as a droplet fell into a growing puddle. Then I realized something even more horrifying then the scene playing out before me.

The blood was not mine.

I took a couple steps backward, Trembling pathetically I shook my hands, sending small droplets all over the front of my white shirt. I hesitantly lifted my gaze to the other side of the room.

Collins stood there.

His usually bright blue eyes dull and unseeing, his blonde hair plastered to the ragged red flesh that had used to be pale skin. I rapidly stepped backward, but stopped when his burnt lips formed words. His voice was rough.

"You sent me to my death, why would you do that? I trusted you…"

I could only shake my head and plead, "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry."

Collins fell at my feet, lifeless.

I heard a whisper, so quiet that you could have thought it was the wind. I jumped slightly and glanced to the right to see Cara Smith standing beside me. Her caramel-and-blonde hair falls slightly into her bright green eyes as she types furiously into her tablet. There is something different about her, from the way her shoulders slump and she keeps her posture one of defeat instead of the usual determination. She finally speaks to me, "Doctor, Are these calculations correct?"

I glance at the tablet on instant, trying to ignore the disturbing fact that I can hear a slosh from the puddle of blood at my feet. The calculations are complicated but as I scan them I realize that they are correct, I glance at her and see that she still looks troubled, So I tell her the words on the tip of my tongue, "Nice work"

She brightens up slightly and mumbles a reply. Seemingly thinking that a compliment seems to deserve a compliment in return, "Thanks… er… I like your shirt…"

I glance down at the blood stained white shirt. Then Cara screams, a rough agonizing scream that is suddenly cut short. I turn suddenly to find her coughing up blood. Those bright green eyes dull to a lifeless color that is more gray than green, as the tablet falls from her limp hands and shatters on the ground.

She collapsed beside Collins and her hand lays on my shoes. I jump back a step and stare at her in horror.

I saw movement at the corner of my eyes and when I turned I saw Gall. He was young, with soft brown hair and brown eyes that shined with intelligence. Before my eyes he changed, his pale skin wrinkling and his hair graying. The intelligence in his eyes was replaced with fear.

After the change he was nothing but a husk of his normal self. Those brown eyes filled with sorrow and despair. I reached out for him but he pulled away shaking his head.

He held a gun in his hand. My gun. It was my handgun that I gave to him. He raised the gun to his temple.

"NOOOOOO" I screeched, but I was too late.

He pulled the trigger, the sound echoing across the small room. His body fell, gave a last agonizing jerk, and then lay still.

I ran to him and dropped to the ground beside him. My breaths came in ragged gasps, tears brimming in my eyes. I looked at Gall and Cara and Collins, and muttered "I'm sorry"

I had found out where the blood came from.

"Rodney?"

I ignored the voice, staring at the lifeless bodies that stood there at my feet. I speak my voice rough with unshed tears "I'm sorry. I- I didn't… I'm sorry"

"Rodney?"

The voice called again, but this time it sounded really worried. But I ignored it still, as my breathing quickened and my pleading became more and more desperate as I gained no response. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. I'm sorry."

"Rodney. Wake up!"

I blinked a few times and saw that my eyes met a completely different sight then before. Blue eyes blink at me, bright eyes _Alive eyes, _For a second my voice betrays me with hope.

"Collins?"

The blue eyes widen and I realize that these blue eyes are lighter, more of a sky blue then a ocean blue. They are Zelinka's eyes. I just called him Collins.

"It's me Rodney. Radek."

I blink at him through cloudy blue eyes, before I focus my gaze on the object sitting on my chest. Which, now has bloody handprints. As if someone had tried to move it. It hadn't been me, so it had to be Radek. But why were his hands that coated with blood, they hadn't been that bloody when I passed out, one of them had been slightly bloody, but that was a lot of blood.

"Are you injured?" I asked him, concern laced in my voice. He shakes his head in the negative, whispering a soft, "Not badly"

To my surprise I can see that his eyes are red and puffy, while his cheeks are slightly damp. My pale lips open and a thin trail of blood trickles out of the corner of my mouth as I try to speak, I succeed though my voice is strangely muffled.

"It- It will be f-fine, A-Atlantis will c-c-come for us"

It's then that I notice that he has on an oxygen mask.

But that's wrong, because I _always_ notice _everything._ How could I miss something that obvious?

"I know Rodney, now stop speaking and close your mouth, blood is filling up the room for oxygen, in your mask."

I can suddenly feel the object laying on my face, and I think that this is even worse. How could I miss the fact that _I had an oxygen mask on!?_

It's almost like Radek can read minds. Because he tells me, "I have given you pain medication, and the masks are for the toxic air"

It's moments later that I wonder where he got the medical supplies. I am about to voice my concern when I notice a lifeless hand sticking out from under a pile of rubble. The hand is tightly clutching a small leather bag that has a bright red cross on the side.

I quickly look away, refocusing on Radek Zelinka. He has turned away from me, toward a large pole that he is trying to drag out from a pile of rubble. His slick hands kept slipping on the sleek metal, and he barely avoids it hitting his feet. He wipes the blood on the ground beside him with an annoyed huff.

I am still trying to understand why he wants this large pole.

I mean, we are in a pile of concrete rubble surrounded by poisoned air in the middle of nowhere, why would he need a pole?

Again Radek seems to read my mind, "I need this to try and lift that rock off of you"

I look at the object that is slicing through my flesh, squashing my insides, and breaking my ribs. My gaze travels from the rock to the pole and back. Then I am distracted by something, so bright and clean and white in this mass of destruction. It is a bandage that is carefully wrapped around the upper part of my right arm, a few small scarlet speckles the only sign to show that an injury is underneath the bandage.

I look away from the bandage to Radek, who had succeeded in dragging the object a few feet away from the rubble. He lets out a sharp gasp of pain, and my eyes are dragged to a bandage that is wrapped around his left shoulder. He also had a blood soaked butterfly bandage on the palm of his left hand, but he looks like he will survive.

I look at myself, trying to decide what injuries I have. The way my left arm is twisted completely the wrong direction with the wrist and hand under a rock, I know that it is broken. I also know that the upper part of my right arm must have a bad laceration, by the small pile of bloody bandages that I just noticed laid on a rock a few feet away. I can't see my legs, but the left one feels warm, wet, and sticky, suggesting that it is soaked in blood. My chest- I don't know what the hell is going on there beneath the rock but it sure ain't good.

I looked at all the damage and two words came to mind.

"Well… Shit"

**John Sheppard Pov.**

"Are you injured?"

My words are short, clipped. My eyes searching Miko's for the feelings that I had seen before, but they were gone as if they had never been there at all.

She shakes her head swiftly, muttering a soft "Not badly"

Her eyes dart away from my intense gaze, falling on another bloodied scientist. This scientist walks up to us, her bright blue eyes wide and panicked. Her hair looks like a dark brown, but it is hard to tell with the ash and blood that are streaked in it.

"Katie…" Miko said to the other scientist.

"This wasn't the plan, I didn't agree to this." Katie said in a tight voice, her words cracking. "My sister is still out there. My sister is probably _dead."_

Katie's eyes hardened, and her words became sharp. "You killed her"

Katie shoved Miko roughly. Miko stumbled back a few steps and flinched when Katie advanced. Katie shoved Miko again, this time hard enough to knock her off her feet.

Miko had begun to fall, but I reached forward and stopped her descent. I steadied her and turned to the two scientists. Emotions swirled in their eyes, emotions that I didn't like.

Miko had begun to speak again her usually soft voice was even quieter than normal and I could barely make out the words, "I didn't know about this. I swear I didn't."

Miko began to plead into the unforgiving blue-green eyes, "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry"

I narrowed my eyes at the two scientists and they both raised their gazes to meet mine. They knew what the next words out of my mouth would be.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!"

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><p><em><strong>I know that not much happened in this chapter, but I needed to post something. A horrible case of writer's block has been keeping me from updating in so long, but I already have some nice little plot bunnies for this story that will be explained in the next chapter. <strong>_

_**I think I should also throw it out there that those of you that are waiting for John to find Rodney and Radek you will not have to wait much longer. **_

_**Please tell me if you think I'm making Sheppard seem to ooc, I think that given the circumstances this might be how he would act but I'm not really sure. **_

_**I would like to thank those that were kind enough to leave reviews and follow this story. And I guess I will see you in the next update, ~Leopardfang. **_


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